Living with the Wrong Coloured Kidney's
by DWBean
Summary: The Doctor fresh off his regneration has to deal with many problems such as the wrong coloured kidney's, a craving for turkey, accidentally scaring his companion and being extremely ticklish. Post regeneration. A bit of swearing.
1. Turkey Craving

"Do you happen to know how to fly this thing?" He asked and Clara stared at him in complete disbelief.

"The TARDIS?" She managed to stutter out. It had been a long day…

"No, the Titanic. Yes the TARDIS. C'mon love, I haven't got all day!" The Doctor yelled as they were both thrown about. Clara set to work in remembering how to fly the machine. She pulled a lever and the ship stopped shaking.

"The blue boringers," Clara smiled to herself

"Those are stabilisers, darling. Ah! I can remember now! Oh! Here we go!" The Doctor exclaimed as he flew the ship deftly and they landed with the signature groaning. The Doctor scratched his cheek and then looked towards the door.

"Well go on then!" he nodded and Clara remained rooted to the spot.

"How do I know that you're going to come back?" she asked, folding her arms. The Doctor sighed and then went to push his fringe back but frowned when he realised that it wasn't there. He put his hands on his head and his eyes widened when he felt his curly hair.

"Curly hair! Oh, this is the important bit. I've had to wait 400 years to do this," The Doctor said and then walked over to Clara and placed a hand on each of her shoulders. She flinched slightly but didn't move.

"Clara. Am I ginger?" he asked, staring right at her. The new eyes were different; they felt as if they were piercing into her very soul.

"No. You're grey," She declared and he frowned. He stood back and put his hands in to his pockets.

"Great. Just great. Honestly! Once! That's all I'm asking for! I'm not asking to become a Weasley!" The Doctor exclaimed, walking around the console. He did it in an awkward way, as if he was trying to take longer strides than his legs could manage.

"Who are you talking to?" Clara asked, trying not to smile at his last comment.

"I really don't know. And you! Clara Oswald! You've grown!" The Doctor said, comparing their height. Clara coughed poignantly and then looked up at him.

"I think you've shrunk," Clara smirked, knowing that would annoy him no end. His face fell into a glare, his bottom teeth showing as his lip fell and his eyes darkened. They were positively evil. Clara gasped and jumped back, not realising that there were stairs behind her. She fell down them, She landed on the ground and quickly scurried to get back up. That wasn't the Doctor.

"Well that was stupid. What did you go throwing yourself down the stairs for?" The Doctor asked, walking down the stairs to help her up.

"You. You stay away from me," Clara declared, trying to get away but her twisted ankle was preventing her from moving too fast.

"I'm not going to gobble you up! What's wrong?" The Doctor asked, opening his arms out questioningly.

"You're not The Doctor. You can't be. He would never look so…evil," Clara accused while backing away.

"You saw me change right in front of you! Don't be so stupid," The Doctor dismissed, folding his arms.

"Stupid! I'm sorry, alright? But you were just The Doctor and then…I dunno, you sneezed or something and then became you!" Clara exclaimed, pushing back her fringe.

"Sneezed! SNEEZED! I did a bit more than sneezing!" The Doctor yelled causing Clara to back away again. They stood in silence for a minute before Clara heard a low chuckle. She looked up and The Doctor was now laughing. It was a different laugh; lower, louder and more infectious as she found out. A smile spread out on her lips and then she started to laugh.

"I should win a Guinness World Record for that regeneration. That was a sneeze!" The Doctor laughed and Clara giggled.

"You are The Doctor. Sorry for saying that you weren't. It's just been a bit weird," Clara apologised and The Doctor nodded.

"Apology accepted. Now, I really fancy some turkey. Get out those doors, you," The Doctor said, opening the door and nodding for Clara to go out. She walked out and The Doctor quickly followed, shutting the TARDIS doors. He held his arm out for Clara to take but she looked up at him, biting her lip.

"Suit yourself," he dismissed, trying not to look hurt.

"Sorry. I just need to get used to you. And those huge eyebrows," Clara laughed and The Doctor's wide eyes widened further.

"No eyebrows, huge eyebrows, I can't win with you! And also, you can't pick fun of me yet, I haven't seen what I look like," he complained while they walked towards the block of flats.

"Says who?" Clara asked, raising her eyebrow

"Me!" He smiled. He folded his arms against the cold and was surprised when a small arm worked its way through his. He stopped and looked down at her while she smiled back up at him.

"The Doctor," she said, poking his side. To which he giggled like a little girl, causing her to burst out into laughter.

"I'm ticklish! Oh, great," he sighed while she hung off his arm laughing.

"I can't…breathe…," Clara choked out between laughter

"Very funny. I wonder where you're ticklish," The Doctor pondered and Clara immediately straightened up.

"You'll never get it," Clara declared, opening the door to the estate. They began to climb the stairs.

"I will!"

"No you won't!"

"Back of the knees?"

"Nope,"

"Elbow?"

"Elbow? Who's ticklish on their elbow? It's dead skin!"

"Good point! Armpits?"

"No,"

"Feet?"

"You are never going to get it. Admit it, you lost,"

"I will do no such thing,"

"Alright,"

"Alright,"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Tummy?"

Clara laughed and then stopped outside her flat where she could hear a blazing row going on inside. She sighed and then opened the door. The Doctor followed her but stayed behind in the hallway. She walked into the living room where her dad, step-mum and grandmother were having a huge argument.

"Clara! Where the hell have you been?" her step-mum asked and Clara blatantly ignored her.

"Are you alright, Gran?" Clara asked her grandma who was sitting down and staring into space.

"Oh Clara! You're back! Did everything work out with your boyfriend?" she asked and Clara hugged her.

"In a strange way, yes. You two, stop bickering, it's Christmas," Clara directed at her dad and step mum. They paused mid argument, Dave looking down ashamed.

"Can you tell your daughter to stop telling me what to do?" her step mum asked and Dave shook his head.

"Everyone, this is The Doctor," Clara said, pulling The Doctor from the hallway and into the living room. The other three gasped and Clara closed her eyes, pulling The Doctor to the side.

"You…you put clothes on, right?" Clara asked and The Doctor muttered a curse under his breath. He pulled out his sonic screwdriver and aimed it at the three of them so they could see his clothes.

"Sorry about that. I'm the Doctor. I want some turkey," he explained and sat down in Clara's seat, carving himself a slice. He ate the slice while everyone watched him. He swallowed and then looked around the room.

"What are you all watching me for? Eat!" He said. Everyone sat down and Clara pulled up a chair next to him. There was a lively conversation bouncing around the table, her father and step mum having resolved their argument. Clara picked up a Christmas Cracker from the table and then pointed it at the Doctor. The Doctor looked at her and then slowly took the end of the cracker. She smiled weakly, brushing away a tear.

"Merry Christmas, Clara," he smiled, stroking her cheek and brushing away the escaped few tears.

"Merry Christmas, Doctor," she replied. The both pulled the cracker, The Doctor winning the bigger end. He pulled out the green hat and put it on his head. Clara laughed and took the cracker, pulling out a paperclip and the poem.

"A thought on Change, by Anon.

**_Without change,_**

**_Where would we be?_**

**_No doubt back_**

**_In 1963._**

_You think you die,_

_You say that every time._

_You change, that's all,_

_So don't say goodbye._

**_I'll see you again,_**

**_As you'll see me._**

**_But change is good._**

_**Where shall we go, then?**,"_

Clara gingerly placed the poem on the table and then smiled up at The Doctor. He smiled back at her and then reached over and grabbed four roast potatoes and quickly devoured them.

"Someone hungry?" Clara nudged him and he nodded. She smiled and then took another gulp of her champagne. It had been a long day. She just wanted to climb into bed and sleep.

After dinner, Clara piled the dishes in the kitchen and sighed at the height of them. The Doctor was inside talking to her grandmother so Clara stepped outside to get some fresh air. It was strange to think that at the beginning of the day, The Doctor was the floppy haired bow tie wearing man and now he was the guy in the living room. Clara had no idea what to make of him. He had made her scared to death and laugh to death within a minute. He probably had no idea what to make of himself either. She leaned on the railing by the balcony, tapping a little rhythm onto the cool metal.

"Too much in there?" She heard the low Glaswegian voice ask as he joined her by the railing. He leaned on his forearm and then looked down at her.

"Too many dishes," she laughed and he chuckled.

"Do you still want to come with me?" he asked after a moment's silence.

"Of course I do," she answered, putting readjusting her paper hat so that it didn't blow away.

"Mates?" he asked, holding his hand out for her to shake.

"Mates," she smiled, shaking it. She had to let that go now. That part of her that fancied the pants off him. Well, his former self. He got up to leave when Clara stopped him.

"Have you even seen yourself yet?" she asked and he shook his head.

"Not yet, no," he replied and Clara smirked. She covered his eyes and walked him into her bedroom in front of the full length mirror.

"Blimey, Clara. Didn't take long for you to break that mate's pact," The Doctor commented and Clara laughed.

"Shut up. Here's your fourteenth self," Clara introduced, taking her hands off his eyes. She stood in the corner, giving him this moment of privacy. The Doctor stood gawking at himself in the mirror for a minute before he could even think of anything to say.

"Well…I'm older. I look a bit like my fourth self! I like the eyes…the chin is less conspicuous… I look very angry. No wonder I scared you! But this jacket just won't do…," he sighed, tugging on the purple tweed. He ran a hand over his worn face and glanced at himself up and down again.

"What do you think?" he asked Clara

"Uh…I think you look different. Older," Clara commented.

"No shit, Sherlock," he scoffed. Clara noted that this regeneration liked to swear.

"Well then, better get started on those dishes," Clara clapped her hands together and The Doctor turned around, sighing.

"Fuck," he whispered, following her into the kitchen.

"Back of the ears!" He exclaimed, and tickled her behind her ears. She fell to the ground covering her head while laughing.

"Stop!" She asked, gaining her breath

"I win," he smirked, setting to work on the dishes.

**Thanks for reading! I'm flitting between missing Matt to the point where it hurts and loving Peter Capaldi to bits. I really can't decide. Anyway, I tried to sort of have Clara have the same dilemma. Also, I did write the poem myself, I just didn't want to write my name. **

**Please review! Thanks :) **


	2. Clothes and the TARDIS

Clara stepped into the TARDIS, her family having gone home. The Doctor was nowhere to be seen and she sighed, walking around the console. She picked up the discarded material on the floor and when she flattened it out, she realised it was a bow tie. She smiled weakly and folded it up and put it into her pocket. She heard a curse from down the corridor which managed to bounce off every surface in the ship. She really needed to curb his swearing. She followed the thick slurry of words and found The Doctor sitting in the middle of the wardrobe nursing his foot.

"Stubbed your toe?" Clara asked and his head shot up.

"Yeah," he replied, rubbing it. He got up and Clara noticed that he was still in his tweed jacket. He walked over to the rack and started pulling things out and chucking them behind him.

"I hope you're going to pick some of this stuff up!" Clara smiled, picking up a long brown trench coat which she recognised so well. She then picked up a gorgeous teal coat which had obviously belonged to a woman. She hung it back up on the rack and The Doctor caught her looking at it.

"Try it on," he instructed while putting a ruffled coat on. He shook his head at it and then threw it behind him. He then pulled out a long multi-coloured scarf and wrapped it around his neck. Again, he shook his head and let it drop on the floor. Clara took the coat off the rack and shrugged it on. It was a little tight around the arms but it was beautiful. She took it off and then hung it back up.

"Please, please, tell me you're not being serious," Clara asked as she saw The Doctor wearing a bright yellow and pink polka-dot jacket.

"I never said I had decided, did I? You jump to conclusions too often," The Doctor commented and Clara shook her head, picking up the offensive item and shoved it in the corner.

"What about this?" Clara asked, pulling out a grey cardigan. The Doctor's eyes lightened up and he took it from her.

"Ta. Turn around," he said, waving his hand behind him. Clara turned as he took off the waistcoat and shirt and put a crisp and starched white shirt on. He buttoned it up and then put the grey cardigan on top.

"Well?" Clara asked, still not facing him.

"This is will do quite nicely. Now shoes…," He said, taking off the boots his predecessor had worn. He threw them behind him, one of them narrowly missing Clara's head.

"Watch it!" she exclaimed, glaring at him before picking up the shoes. She lined them up neatly on the floor, glancing at them mournfully.

"Perfect!" she heard The Doctor yell as she looked at his feet. He had found a pair of brown loafers which fit him perfectly. He stood upright and then looked in the mirror.

"It suits you," Clara smiled, clicking her thumbnail with the other as she hung to the side.

"Well of course it does! I must say, this regeneration is quite dashing," He commented and Clara snorted.

"Some things never change," she sighed, folding her arms. The Doctor looked towards the floor, glancing up at himself in the mirror. He then changed his position, glancing at himself in different ways. He moved his legs about and his arms until he settled on one arm across his midsection, his right elbow resting on that arm and his finger curled around his chin as if her were pondering.

"Ah! Yes! That works," He decided and then turned to Clara and repeated the movement. Clara furrowed her eyebrows and looked at him in confusion.

"What are you doing?" she asked and he sighed.

"Deciding on my thing! I don't have any lapels, so I can't stroke them. I don't have a scarf to use as a lasso and I don't have a bow tie to straighten. That's my thing," he explained as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. Clara smiled and he then pulled down on his cardigan and stalked out of the wardrobe. She quickly followed after him and met him in the console room.

"What's wrong?" Clara asked as she saw him stroking the main controls as if to support her. He ran a hand through his hair, causing the curls to be even more unruly as he took a step back.

"She's changing. It takes a while, poor thing. She has to catalogue this room and then bring in the next one," he explained and Clara nodded.

"So…?" she asked and he rolled her eyes.

"Why did evolution give you these things if you're not going to use them?" He complained, tapping Clara's head, "She's regenerating, essentially. So we need to clear out, or we might get mixed up between what's for keeps and what's not,"

"Ah," Clara nodded. The Doctor was reaching over to get his grey scarf which he brought from the wardrobe when Clara realised that the door was no longer there.

"Doctor, the door!" Clara exclaimed and pointed at the bare wall. The wall around it was starting to glow orange like a fire spreading across the metal.

"Oh, fuck," The Doctor drawled, backing away from the wall, "Right, Clara, run,"

"Run?" Clara asked, backing out of the room.

"Yes, run! FUCKING MOVE!" The Doctor yelled as the glow was spreading around the room and a wall was collapsing in. The Doctor grabbed her hand and ran down the corridor, Clara throwing glances around her as the glow was illuminating the corridor. It was working its way after them, but they were a good 200 metres ahead. They rounded the corner and Clara noticed that The Doctor was slowing down.

"Are you alright?" Clara panted as they continued to sprint down the corridor.

"I'm…I'm fine. Not as young as I used to be, love," he wheezed.

"Where can we go that's safe?" Clara asked as the turned around yet another corner. She had no idea how he could navigate himself around this ship; It was all exactly the same.

"I'm trying to think. Clara, I'm going to have to-," The Doctor panted, stopping and leaning against the wall. Clara tugged on his arm to try and get him to move.

"C'mon, Doctor. We just need to find somewhere safe," Clara said, pulling on him. He rolled his eyes and they started running down the corridor again.

"Nearly every room regenerates, but there's a few that don't. And I know which one," The Doctor explained.

"I'm sensing a 'but'," Clara said and The Doctor smiled. He was quickly losing nearly all of his energy, but he knew he couldn't relax until they reached that room.

"I lost it,"

"You lost it?"

"That's what I just said,"

"How did you lose it?"

"I don't know! I lost it!"

"Any idea where it might be?"

"No, I LOST IT,"

"Oh great,"

They ran down the corridor, both of them trying all the doors to see if they could find the room. They stumbled upon Laboratory's after Library's and Swimming Pools after Sauna's but couldn't find the room The Doctor was looking for.

"For FUCK'S SAKE! Help me out here a bit, doll," The Doctor yelled at the TARDIS, "I know you're regenerating, but please,"

They were now at a dead end and the glow was rapidly approaching them. Clara screamed and The Doctor hugged her, shielding her view.

"Well…I was hoping this body would last a bit longer," he sighed. The glow was about to reach them when a door materialised behind them. The Doctor fumbled with the big doorknob and they both fell in, the door slamming shut behind them. The door was surrounded with the regeneration energy but it didn't spread into the room.

"What?" Clara muttered as she stood up and the entire room was white. There was no floor, no ceiling, and no walls. Nothing. It was just white.

"It's the Zero room. I come in here to think sometimes. It's the one room that's never changed. Well, it has no need to," The Doctor explained, putting his hands behind his back.

"It feels like I'm floating," Clara laughed, hopping from one foot to the other.

"You are, essentially. I just hope the Anti-Gravity doesn't fail. There's no bottom, we'd be perpetually falling," The Doctor explained and Clara's face fell.

"Did you really have to tell me that?" Clara asked, her eyes wide. The Doctor smirked and Clara stood upright, not daring to look down.

"Standing still won't stop you from falling. Just relax. The regeneration will be over in a few minutes," The Doctor explained, pointing to the door. The orange flames were less concentrated, fading to a weak yellow.

"How does this room go on forever?" Clara asked, sitting cross legged.

"It doesn't. It's a circle. Simple, really," The Doctor explained and Clara's eyebrows furrowed

"How is it a circle?"

"What's below you is also on top of you. It's really not that hard to understand. Human minds are underdeveloped to understand concepts such as that," The Doctor explained and Clara's mouth hung open as she tried not to be offended. Well…she was offended.

"What, am I too dumb for your high intelligence?" Clara retorted, raising her eyebrow.

"Ah, I wouldn't worry about it Clara. There's another 7 billion people exactly the same," The Doctor said sitting down next to her. He accompanied a groan with it and a few clicking bones.

"Are you alright?" Clara asked, her eyes concentrated on him.

"Fine. Why wouldn't I be?" he scoffed, scratching his cheek.

"You seem uncomfortable," she commented and he looked at her out of the corner of his eye.

"I've been a young man gallivanting around space and time for over 1,000 years. It was only towards the end of my 600 years in Christmas that I really started to feel the aches and pains of being older. It's frustrating, being older. I know I can move faster than I can. I know I can think faster than I do and I feel aches everywhere. Still, you wouldn't understand. You're a wee little thing," He explained and Clara smiled.

"Actually, I'm extremely old. A lot older than you," Clara confessed and The Doctor snapped his head up.

"How?" he demanded, a confused expression on his face.

"I guess I never got around to telling you. I can remember everything. It took a while, but it's all come back. I lived about one thousand lives. On average I lived to about 70, so that makes me 70000 years old," Clara explained and The Doctor laughed in surprise.

"I guess you are! But, you're still physically young. It could be worse," he said, nudging her shoulder with his.

"Definitely. I could look 70000 years old. I have no idea how I'd explain that one to my dad," Clara reasoned and The Doctor laughed. "Yeah, I can see that one going down well. 'Hello Dad. Don't be alarmed by the fact I'm a big head in a jar. I'm actually 70000 years old',"

"Well, you'd be the prettiest head in a jar. Unlike a Mr Harkness," The Doctor smiled and Clara blushed slightly at the compliment.

"He wasn't that bad! Bearing in mind he'd just had his billionth birthday," Clara defended and The Doctor laughed

"That was a wild night. Were you there?" The Doctor asked and Clara nodded.

"I was waitressing," she replied and he pursed his lips in thought.

"Well. Looks like the TARDIS is done!" The Doctor said, nodding at the door. Clara laughed and hopped up. The door was no longer black metal with green circles but a glass slide panel.

"Is that what the whole ship is going to be like?" Clara asked and The Doctor shrugged.

"Let's find out. Be a dear and help me up? Ta," he asked as she took his hand and he got up. Clara gingerly pressed the panel but it didn't budge. She tried sliding it but nothing happened either. She sighed in defeat when she heard a cough from behind her. She turned around and The Doctor was looking at her sceptically, doing his 'thing' with his eyes and she followed them to a button on the wall.

"Oh,"

Having pressed the button, the door slid open with ease. They walked out into the hallway, and the walls and ceilings were made of glass, the floor carpeted. Clara stared in awe at what was beyond the glass ; the universe. There were nebulas and clusters and planets and spaceships and black holes and supernovas.

"Oh you are very, very beautiful," she heard and she looked at The Doctor who was cooing the ship. He caught her looking at him and chuckled.

"Don't worry, you're gorgeous too," he complimented, patting her on the shoulder before walking past her. Clara had no idea what to make of that. This new Doctor was complimenting her and insulting her much more than the other Doctor had done. Clara quite liked the extremes of it, being spontaneous and out of the blue. She quickly caught him up and they walked down the corridor. She loved the new design, the interior feeling more futuristic than the dirty corridors of late. There was a door at the end of the corridor, one they knew would go into the control room.

"Ready?" he asked, glancing at her out of the corner of his eye.

"Ready," she grinned

"This is where it begins, Clara. A whole new adventure. Behind those doors. I think it's about time we got started," he said and opened the door.

They both walked into it, The Doctor's eyes wide with joy and Clara's with awe and happiness. There was the classic panel in the middle of the room except it was glass. There were fewer things to pull or type in, the controls obviously designed for a less energetic Doctor. There was a large desk-type table running in a circle around the outside of the entire control panel with enough room to manoeuvre around the controls and two gaps to get into the controls. The Doctor leaned forward and pressed the desk and the entire table became a touchscreen. The Doctor laughed gleefully and then walked around the entire circle, inspecting what each control did. He pressed a button and a huge hologram of a galaxy formed in the middle of the room.

"Wow," Clara breathed and he smiled

"That's where we are right now. How handy is that? Thanks, old girl. You've done good on this one," The Doctor complimented, walking towards the controls. He pulled a lever and then looked up at Clara.

"So? What do you think?" he asked and Clara grinned

"It's amazing! Very… Star Trek," she decided

"Well then, Clara Oswald. We've got the whole universe at our disposal. Where do you want to go? We could go to the Battle of Hastings 1066, the Human Treaty of Kwadalfup. The moon alignment of Juhadruflon! But, I've got a better idea. Hold tight!" The Doctor grinned, pulling a few levers and they watched as the hologram of the Galaxy flashed past and more and more zoomed past them. The signature groaning started and The Doctor looked up to the ceiling where there was a sky light. Through this he could see the universe that he hadn't seen. Not with those eyes.

**I have to say, I LOVE the TARDIS here. If you're having trouble picturing it, it's like the control room from the Hunger Games except with the normal control panel in the middle as well (looks probably like one from the classic era). I had a bit of trouble writing for The Doctor because every now and then if I let my guard down it would slip back into Matt's doctor, so I had to keep on checking that. Sorry if there are any Matt-ish bits but he is still the same man essentially so it's not too bad. Anyway, thanks for reading!**

**Please review :) **

**x**


End file.
